Thy will be done-not mine.

About a month ago one of my friends told me that I should read a book called Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot, because it would rock my world. Well, I read the book and it did exactly what she said it would and even more. For those of you who don't know, the last 6 weeks of summer I spent working at a christian camp called Pine Cove, in my hometown of Tyler, Tx. I could have an entire post on all of the amazing things that the Lord did in my life and the lives of others over those 6 weeks, but that will have to wait. I mention camp though to say that the Lord began a work in my life and heart while I was there; changing my perspective on things and intensely and daily refining me. Gratefully, this perspective change and refinement didn't stop after camp and has continued to go on in my life. While at camp and specifically while reading Passion and Purity, I was convicted of my lack of faith and trust that I have in my Savior. Growing up in the church was a definite blessing in my life, but I think during that "growing up" season, I became numb to the words trust and faith. I didn't realize what it meant to have faith in the one true God. I didn't really realize what it meant to trust Him completely. However, as of late I am beginning to realize not only what that means but also and more importantly, what that looks like.

It means dying to yourself. Not just once, but every second of every day.

It means crucifying your dreams because you know that God is a better dreamer.

It means believing that if you don't get _____(fill in the blank) during this lifetime that it is more than okay, because God is not only still just and good but also enough.

It means refusing self-pity.

It means freedom.

It means joy.

It means that you live your day for the gospel and from the gospel.

"I realized that the deepest spiritual lessons are not learned by His letting us have our way in the end, but by His making us wait, bearing with us in love and patience until we are able to honestly pray what He taught His disciples to pray: Thy will be done." -Elisabeth Elliot

thirty before im thirty.

last year while at baylor i saw on one of my friends bulletin boards a sign that said "thirty before im thirty"... come to find out the things on the sign are the thirty things she wants to try her best to do before she turns 30. i thought this was such a cool idea and over the past semester i have been writing down the things that i want to do before im 30.

so here they are in no particular order! let me know if there's something on the list that you want to do as well and we can do it together:)

1. run a half marathon

2. scrapbook

3. learn how to cook

4. go to Africa

5. read a book that i normally wouldn't want to read

6. sacrifice something for someone else

7. go skydiving

8. teach

9. learn

10. go to Europe

11. graduate college

12. get a "big girl" job in the crazy world of social work

13. tithe regularly

14. love well

15. actually give dating a try and if God willing get married

16. try new foods

17. blog regularly

18. own a horse

19. take a spontaneous roadtrip

20. fast

21. go cliff jumping

22. buy a car on my own

23. read through the whole bible

24. stretch myself outside of my comfort zone

25. watch friends change, grow, and fall in love

26. go back-packing

27. learn how to drive a stick-shift well (i just think it would be cool.. haha)

28. live in the country...horses, a barn, dogs.. the whole shebang

29. less anxiety

30. everyday fall more in love with Jesus and let my life show it

:)

Learning through receiving.

As I was reading a blog online the other night I found a post about grace. This caught my attention because I have been learning a lot about grace through the past year in my own life. The blogger stated that if she could write six words to describe her life right now it would be...

Learning grace through receiving while failing.

I get this, because this describes this season in my life perfectly as well. Because I fail, daily. My actions don't deserve, daily, but I receive, daily. Whether it is from the Lord, my family or my friends, I feel like I am constantly receiving grace.

And sometimes that makes me mad.

Last summer when I was serving as a Baby Ruth at Pine Cove, I learned something about myself that I had never known before. It is easy for me to offer grace, but close to impossible for me to accept it. It's a selfish thing, really. I had some sick reasoning going on in my head that involved me thinking if I accepted grace from others and even from Christ Himself, that I was less of a person. I would get mad (and sometimes still do) because that's not who I am, right? I get mad that I have to fail to learn and that the failing hurts really, really bad.

Check out this verse in second Corinthians where God speaks of His grace being sufficient. (MSG translation)

...I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations... At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then He told me, My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness. Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.

My handicaps?? Anxiety, worry, control, fear of failure, fear of not being heard, fear of fill-in-the-blank.

But I know that when these handicaps cause me to fail in this world, I am picked up by His grace and I receive and learn and am sent off to take another step. I am learning and trying to put myself aside and sometimes that involves accepting grace not only from God but from those living life with me as well.

Sometimes I don't get it. Sometimes my mind and head and thoughts take over. But I am learning through receiving, which I think is the only way, really.

catching up.

It's been awhile since I last blogged so let me briefly update you on my life!!

All things important since high school graduation...

- i went to pine cove to serve as a baby ruth for 5 weeks last summer. this discipleship program literally broke me down in all of the right ways. i learned for the first time what it means to surrender your all to Christ. i learned that my life is truly not my own and my prayer ever since has been that i will never forget that or stop striving to live it out.

- i moved away from the only house and town i've ever really known and started college!! i now (obviously) live in Waco, Tx and attend Baylor University. Sic 'Em!

- i started attending the church that i now call my own, Harris Creek Baptist Church here in Waco! the community i have found there has been such an immense blessing!

- i applied for two different positions my first

semester and wasn't asked to be a part of either. this was a very humbling experience for me in which i struggled with, but i can now look back and see how God had His hand on the whole situation. it wasn't so much that the organization wouldn't be good for me or I for it, but rather that the humbling experience was just what i needed.

- i got to spend thanksgiving break and christmas break with my wonderful family and got in a lot of good reading (10 books total)... and im not a fast reader so i guess it's safe to say i had no life during that time:)

- on January 3rd, 2011 my sweet friend and mentor

, rachel mason barker had her first child, sweet baby girl Norah Rose Barker. she is so fun, beautiful, and in my opinion quite perfect. it was a wonderful day of celebration and i am so blessed that i live in Waco with them and that i am getting to watch this precious baby girl grow!!

-i came back to school early so that i could RUSH, and after a week of rushing and 6 weeks of pledging, i am proud to say that i am an official Baylor CHI OMEGA. :)

So, that pretty much sums it up!!

college has so far been a bittersweet experience for me! although lately, it has become way more sweet than bitter. my first semester i spent most of my time missing my family, my home, tyler in general, and high-school. but this semester, through chi-o and my church i have met so many amazing girls that have really challenged me to surrender my all to Christ. i still have days where my body even starts to hurt because i miss home so much--but the community that i am beginning to find here at Baylor is one that i am not only thankful for but that i need.

i am going to start blogging again, way more--so stay tuned!!!:)

i'll leave you with this quote from oswald chambers that i have been trying to soak up these past couple of weeks:

"My goal is God Himself, not joy nor peace, nor even blessing, but Himself, my God."

here is a picture of my AMAZING pledge class! I adore these girls so much!:)

Matthew 20: 26-28

"Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave--just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many. " -Matthew 20: 26-28

Well, one week down and four to go!

To tell you that my first week as a Baby Ruth was hard would be a complete understatement. My first week of baby ruth's was very possibly the hardest week of my whole entire life thus far. The work load is unbelievable and I have been stretched and challenged in ways i never even thought possible. I am overwhelmed with the thought of continuing on like this for the next four weeks. But I am confident that God has placed me right where He wants me. So I must move forward knowing that I must trust in Him to finish what He has begun in my heart.

I wish I could tell y'all more about my entire week, but I don't get much time off and I am just so restless. Please PLEASE continue to pray for me. I need the prayers more now than I ever have before.

I also ask that you will pray that even if the next four weeks are meant to be miserable that I will still press forward and that I will enter into God's presence confidently and often.

Thank you to those of you who sent me a letter, IT MADE MY DAY!:) ah, it was such a blessing!

Please write me if you have time-- it's something that helps me get through my many tough days!

In more of Him and less of me,

Madison

Well, here goes nothing.

I did it. I graduated high school. How do I feel, you may ask?

Wonderful. Relieved. Accomplished. Sad. Depressed. Nervous. Anxious. Hopeful. Excited.

yes, all of those things.

The month of May was full of so many wonderful, wonderful things! From graduation parties to some dear friends getting engaged, to fun church events, to

lots of last minute school work, and finally to graduation.

Graduation week was such a fun time full of friends, family, laughter, and some tears!

shana, myself, and jen on kindergarten day!

me and justin at our Senior Lake party!

me and my favorite little valedictorian

at her graduation the night before

mine!

graduation!:)

The Brook Hill School

Class of 2010

So, there you have it. I graduated.

I am now so excited about my journey at Pine Cove!!

I ask for your constant prayers. They will be so appreciated!

I leave this Saturday, and return on July 3rd!:)

If you would like to write me check my facebook for my address!:)

I hope to be able to update you on how God is working in my life

during the next 5 weeks through this blog! If I do have the time

it will be on saturdays, so check back every saturday!:)

In Christ Alone,

Madison

senior prom.

This past weekend I went to my last high school dance ever, my senior prom. Ohhhh, prom! I have never been much of a dance person. I always look forward to them, like normal high school girls, its just that rather than looking forward

to the actual dance, I look forward to getting ready with mom, taking 1000 pictures, and eating

a wonderful dinner with wonderful friends. In

all honesty, I could skip the whole dance part all together. But if I had to end my dance career on a dance-- this wasn't a bad one to end it on. I got ready with mom, took 1000 pictures, had a fun dinner in my backyard with great people, and went to a beautiful dance at the Villa in Tyler with a great date! Not much more a girl could ask for, huh? All in all it was a good night and a great way to celebrate senior year coming to a close with

some of my favorite people in the world.

Before I show y'all the pics I thought I would humor myself with these first...

this was my first prom ever.

heath, mason and I went to our freshman

and Senior proms together.

me and heath, freshman year.

and now for saturday's pics! :).....

me and samantha getting ready!

me and my wonderful daddy!

yes, they really did wear those.

my wonderful date, Cole.

me and heath three years later.

the group of amazing people that I got to

share my last dance experience with!!

So, there you have it. Senior prom has now come and gone which can only

mean one thing: graduation is that much closer!!:)

Until next time,

Madison