five eighths.

Last week after I (finally) finished my all of my finals, I called my dad to let him know I was done and he said "Way to go Dee, you're 5/8 of the way done with college!"

That's when it hit me. I am over half-way done with college and yet so much of me feels like it just started.

As I have been home, I have been thinking a lot about my time at Baylor so far and specifically this past semester. I think back to the day when my parents dropped me off at 315 Collins and how scared, lonely, and un-prepared I felt to move from the only town and home I had ever known to a place that I didn't know and a place that didn't know me.

On August 29th, 2010 I wrote this in my journal: "I've been at Baylor for a week. I wish I could say that I am enjoying it but that would be a lie. I feel like I've been at camp and now it should be time to go home but that I am stuck here. I miss my family, my friends, and especially Brook Hill. I miss feeling known. I know that I have to give it time but I can't help but wonder if I'll ever enjoy it here." 

I can't help but smile and feel extremely grateful when I read over my journal entries from my first semester at Baylor. I smile and laugh over the passion that spilled out onto those pages because I didn't know where else to turn to, and I am grateful over the begged for prayers that the Lord has so clearly answered since then. It is one of the best reminders of His faithfulness in my life and in the lives of those I journaled about. Great is His faithfulness yesterday, today, and forevermore. 

This semester, my fifth one, was the best yet. I think these pictures might do it better justice then my words! 

Every monday, wednesday, and friday morning was spent with this little one. We started playing at the early hour of 7 in the morning and didn't stop until 12! We went on walks, learned new words, asked a lot of questions, went to Lake Waco, went to Baylor, met a lot of Dee Dee's friends, and watched more episodes of Dora the Explorer then anyone would want or care to know. I learned a lot from Norah Rose this semester and I love her more than I thought possible! 

Labor Day weekend was spent outside of Austin at my roommate Katherine's lake house. It was the first trip we took as roommates, and a good one at that. We ate a lot of good food, jet-skiied, kayaked, and went to bed at 10 both nights. Every girl's dream. I am blessed and refined daily by living with these three. 

I celebrated 21 years with the best of them in Austin! Thankful for memories on memories with these chica's this semester. 

Made it to the State Fair with Chi-O (before) Big Tex died! 

On October 13th this little girl got MARRIED! Emma has been my longest and closet friend. Emma and Daniel met at my house a little over 4 years ago and I had the honor of standing beside her as her Maid of Honor and my brother had the honor of standing beside Daniel as his Best Man for him and Dan have been best friends for years also. It was one of the best weekends of my life and it has been so cool to see Daniel and Emma living life together! 

Every Tuesday morning was spent at Cafe Capp with these two beauties. They spur me on to look more like Jesus and I am thankful for their encouragement and grace in my life. This picture was after Pigskin this year during Homecoming! 

On November 9th, the Barker family went from 3 to 4 with the addition of little Ruby Meredith. She's the cutest thing and it's been so cool to see NR be a big sister to her "baby Ruby"! 

This was the night that Baylor beat #1 ranked K-State and we all rushed the field! It's been quite the journey for Baylor football the past 2 years but this was probably my favorite game of my Baylor career thus far! 

During dead days my roommates and I took it upon ourselves to mark some things off of my bucket list! It made the last week in Waco so much more fun and we even made a trip to Madisonville and back in one night to go to Buc-ee's! 

Blessed beyond measure that this girl gets to be my little and one of my best friends. 

We ended the semester going to Chi-O's Christmas in Salado. 

So, there you have it. 5 semesters down and only 3 to go. As I left Waco last week to head home I was overwhelmed by the feelings that I have for that city and for Baylor and for the people that fill them both. It is crazy to me that my first semester at Baylor was spent longing for home and now as I sit here typing this I am longing for the home that I have made and found in Waco. I am thankful for the friends I have been given who encourage me daily to choose You over my flesh. I am thankful for teachers who have guided me so gracefully and who have given me a better glimpse of God's because of how they have chosen to lead me. I am thankful for a church who has inspired me to love the people who call Waco home well. I am thankful for parents who work hard and selflessly so that I can live life in Waco and get the education that I desire and love. I am thankful for Social Work and all that comes with it. My eyes have been opened to the needs that God's people have and I am grateful for the opportunity to be trained in how to best help meet those needs. 

I am grateful and my heart is full. 

Here's to 3 more semesters, Baylor. I am looking forward to it. 

Hallelujah, I rest Secure.

Over the past week I have had the privilege of having some of the best conversations that I have ever had with some of my closest friends while being in college. The past month for my specific group of friends has been one of heartache, stress, and growth. While some of us are struggling with expectations from people that weren't met, dreams that weren't fulfilled or just the stress of finals coming up and grades being lower than expected one common theme has come into focus... insecurity. 

I have come to realize over the past couple of weeks that it is extremely hard for a college aged girl, specifically one that is in the bible-belt, to admit that they are insecure. Insecurity is supposed to be only for middle school girls, right? Once you hit your 20's you aren't suppose to struggle with body image anymore and you aren't suppose to worry if people don't like you, right? Our society today tells us that we should know who we are by now and if people don't like us then that's their problem. Our society screams to us that if you are insecure-- you are weak. 

Sadly, the reality is that often times we spend our days walking around with a confident exterior hoping that it is covering up the interior parts of who we are. The depths and depths of insecurity that plague our very souls. The problem with covering it up and wishing it away just because it "shouldn't be there" is that you are completely missing your opportunity to live in true community. You are missing your chance to let someone else know that they aren't alone. You are missing your chance to let someone redirect your perspective and your path back to the Gospel. You are missing your chance to confess so that you can then be fully healed by Jesus Christ who loves you deeply.

You see, this season of pain for a lot of my friends has brought about the best community that we have ever had. When you let go of your desire to be perceived as perfect to one another, you receive the gift of true friendship-- true community. 

Insecurity, whether we want to admit it or not, is a daily struggle for most girls -- of all ages. We deeply desire to be admired, treasured, and as scary as it is, even worshiped. We become a little more insecure with every expectation that goes un-met. The even scarier part is that when we do not openly admit and confess our insecurity, we allow ourselves to wallow and to build up bitterness towards others and towards ourselves. However, when we DO admit our insecurity to each other we then open the doors to allow one another to be the body of Christ. We can then be encouraged and encourage one-another. We can then fight lies and sin together and not alone. We can then finally be what Christ intended for us to be for one another all along. 

Vulnerability does not equal weakness. This is a lie that I chose to believe for a long time. When I finally let myself believe that vulnerability with my friends was a good thing, I began to see the intimate work of true friendship being done in my own life. This type of friendship has become a weapon I use to fight sin and has changed the very core of me. Vulnerability is hard but it pales in comparison to what we receive because of it. 

Be open with one-another and I promise your lives, your heart, and your spirit will be richly blessed.