Peace Out, Happily Ever After

I can remember as early as 4 years old wanting my 'Prince Charming' to come and take me away. As a 4 year old I don't think I knew much, if anything, about what a romantic relationship looked like or what the purpose was... but I did know that I wanted it and that it had to come in a very specific way. At 4 years old I might not have known much but I did know one thing to be true:

 I was a Princess waiting for my Prince. Why did I know this at such a young age?

everything around me told me that is what I needed to be happy. 

every store, every show, every single movie I watched my entire life told me that...

I deserve to live {h a p p i l y ever a f t e r}& that would happen when my Prince arrived and only then.

The more thought I give this the more of a tragedy that I think it is. I am mad at times when I think of what our culture has done to our hearts and minds. To the heart and minds of girls and boys at the young age of 4. The lies that they fed us and continue to feed us. I want to throw up at the thought that my own daughter will most likely struggle with this even more than I did because our culture is constantly progressing and constantly searching for more pleasure, more "beauty", more more more.

At 4 years old I'm not sure how much of a choice we have in what we let our eyes see and our hearts believe but at 22 years old I indeed do have a choice. I know full well, too well, what a life looks like when you choose to believe the lie that we need what our culture has told us will satisfy.

It's like I am choosing to eat on a paper plate when fine china that has been created, crafted, and molded just for me is being offered. I could choose to take it for all I have to do is r e a c h... yet, I know what the paper plate is like. It's not perfect, it isn't even that good but I know it and therefor I can control it.

Our society didn't just teach us that we can choose, change, and manipulate who, when, and how we date but they did a pretty good job at convincing us (or at least me) that we can choose, change, and manipulate everything else in our lives too... they told me that I could be my own Savior. My own change agent and that if I just did XY&Z I was on my way to happiness...

all humans are pathetic and miserable Saviors. 

On October 18th, 2012 I wrote this in my journal:

"Today I am so aware of my human-ness. Of how dirty, lost, and useless I am without Jesus. This isn't a good feeling but yet I am thankful that God would allow me to have days like today when I am so beyond confident that I NEED a Savior to save me from my lesser loves that are all found in this fallen world--my very self being one of them. I am a desperately broken tool in the hand of a gracious and powerful God.  I am a sinner, deserving to be thrown to the side into the stack of broken and worthless rubbish. Yet, God calls me His daughter, His beloved, HIS bride. What a gift that I have. Even on days like today when I feel so unworthy of His high calling I can claim it. Own it. Live it. Wow, what a merciful and sweet Savior He is."

My whole life this world screamed at me (and at you) to desperately and passionately...

SEEK HAPPINESS. SEARCH FOR LOVE AND THEN LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

Well, I tried it the worlds way and it failed. Then I tried again but it failed then too. I have always known the gospel and was privileged to grow up in a Godly home and in a church who poured much Truth into me yet I just didn't think that I had to give up on what the world said in order to claim what Jesus said. Then I realized that was exactly what I had to do... I couldn't believe both although I tried to for many years.

As I struggle to daily live the life that I have claimed to find in Jesus I am constantly reminded that it requires a lot of trust, abandon, and being willing to change your plans.

As I mentioned in my last post, I often times find myself praying for clarity before I find myself praying for deeper intimacy and trust in Jesus. Today I was convicted about why I would do this and could practically hear Jesus saying,

"Why would I show you the specifics when you've forsaken that which is already revealed?" 

Jesus has already made it clear to us all that His way is better.

Today I am choosing to not only believe it but to claim it as well. He is better than what this world claims is good. Today, I won't believe the lies. And I pray that tomorrow I won't either.

peace out, happily ever after. 

you are no good for me.