To my High School self...

To my High School self, 

It's your first day at Brook Hill and you're so nervous you can hardly breath. It's okay though, you're uniform looks fine (not to mention the same as everyone elses) and soon, believe it or not, you will call this place home. 

Come September they're going to ask you to be the volleyball manager and even though you're scared to say yes you will, and you should be proud of yourself for acknowledging  that you're an awful volleyball player and that that's okay. You'll learn a little bit about serving behind the scenes (though not near enough) and you'll get really, really good at keeping a volleyball score book. 

When you come up with the idea to dye your hair brown--don't do it. It won't look good, you will cry for a whole day about it, and then you will spend the next year trying to get it back to your natural color. Trust me,  I am helping you out here. So just put the hair dye box down. Seriously, put it down. 

You're going to spend the better part of your freshman year desperately trying to stop pulling out your eyelashes. You'll succeed just long enough for that girl to tell you she used to not think you were very pretty without eyelashes but now that you have them you are. A month or so after she says that you will pull them all out and immediately think that you're now ugly. Don't believe the girl's words and don't believe your own. You are beautiful with or without eyelashes and even though you won't realize it for a long time, your struggle with pulling them out does not define you. 

At the beginning of sophomore year Dad will buy you your first car and you're going to name her Jetta. You will be as attached to her as anyone can be to a car. Roll the windows down often, sing louder than you think you should, and if you don't want to take defensive driving twice in one year I would s-l-o-w down, especially on highway 69, but that's just me. Also enjoy it while you can because it all ends when Luke gets her in a wreck and kills her. Yes, you'll cry about it. 

You think that being a good girl is the goal of your young life. Because of this, you're scared to fail and you aren't completely honest with your friends. You are secretly exhausted and you'll start to question if loving Jesus is worth it. Don't get anxiety over the doubt, rather wrestle with it and trust that He hasn't let go of you. You're going to make it to the other side better because of it. 

You have a good reputation and you put a lot of your identity into that, even though you will deny it. You pride yourself on being good at giving advice to your friends but you need to be careful with that because if there is any good in you it is Jesus. So if you're going to boast, boast in Him only. 

Landry will decide to go to Belmont in Nashville, TN for college and even though you act excited for him when you find out, on the inside you are scared out of your mind to have him be so far away. You'll opt out of taking him to school for the first time with the rest of your family because you're too nervous that you'll break down when you are forced to leave Nashville and come home without him. However you told Mom that you just didn't want to miss school. That's a lie though and there you go again not being completely honest. That's a slippery slope. Do you want my opinion? Go to Nashville with your family. If you need to cry the whole way home because you hate change that much then so be it. You're going to break down anyway except that you're going to be at home alone when it happens. And guess what? You staying home doesn't change the fact that he really did move to Nashville. Lame, I know. 

You love your room. Almost too much. Mom and Dad are always telling you that it's selfish that you spend so much time in there- and when you get to college you'll understand a little better why they were right. I'm not saying to stop spending time int here but just to spend more time out there, too. Because although the days seem long now, one day you will move out and that room that you idolize so much will become your brothers. I know, I know you don't believe that they would do that to you but they did, and you survived (barely). So, go ahead and head out to the living room and  spend time with your family. Ask them questions, watch American Idol with them, and enjoy it. 

You cry easily and you hate that about yourself. A good handful of people have told you that you're too sensitive and unfortunately, you chose to believe them. Mom tells you all of the time that you feel things deeply, good and bad, and that that's okay. Believe her with this one. She's right. 

A day coming up soon you'll get the urge to call Emma and see if she wants to get lunch at McAlisters to catch up on life. You give into this urge which was one of your better decisions. That day at McAlisters will change your life forever and you'll see God working in your life in a real way. 

Senior year will be your favorite. So, you have a lot to look forward to. You'll finally stop caring so much about what people think of you and instead of chasing guys, attention, and approval you'll start to chase Jesus and community. You'll find real freedom in this and it will begin to change you. You'll lead your cheer squad as their captain and your football team will make it state but lose by one touchdown. And yes, you'll cry then too. You'll hurt for the boys who are hurting b/c that's what you do best-- you hurt with those who hurt and that's a good thing. You'll skip class with your friends to go to Olive Garden and to explore the woods behind school. At first you worry that you'll regret this decision but you don't and you never will. It was days like those that made your senior year the best. 

YOU are loved, chosen, beautiful, redeemed, sacred, worth pursuing, righteous, and a daughter of the King. 

Don't forget it now and don't forget it when you're twenty-one. 

Love, 
Me