10 Things.

Someone asked me the other day, “What are you most looking forward to about your senior year?” I sat there and had a hard time coming up with just one thing. I am excited about every single detail except for that huge always-obvious one that this is my last year here. I am happy that it’s not a year of firsts because those kind of years are the hardest for me but I sat there heavy hearted because while it isn’t going to be a year of firsts it is going to be a year of lasts in a place that I have grown to love and call home—and at this point that sounds a little worse then starting from the beginning. That’s when it hit me, I knew what I was most excited about and I proceeded to say,

“I can’t wait to live college with the perspective I have now. It took me a long time to realize that college isn’t my whole life but rather just a phase of life and that has started to change everything. I want to do everything bigger and better with as much passion and integrity as I can. I love this place and these people and I am just grateful and relieved that I still have one year left to live the college dream with this perspective. So that’s no doubt what I am looking forward to most.”

This has made me start thinking a lot about what I wish I would have known that August day as I moved myself into Collins 315. I don’t know if someone had told me these things that I would have listened or believed them (b/c I know people did tell me!) but regardless I want to share with anyone who might be entering college this year what I would do to make sure I am making the most of this awesome phase of life! Whether you’re entering your Freshman year or your Senior year like myself, I think these are must do’s during college!

headed to my first Baylor game as a student! 

(This post is specifically for Baylor people since that is the college experience that I am having however I am sure a lot of these can be true for any school/town you find yourself in!)

10 Must Do’s While Living Your (Waco) College Dream:

10.  Hop on the “I love Baylor” Train: Yep, that’s right… go Baylor crazy. This is something that I did not fully do until I was a sophomore and I really regret it. I remember that I never went to anything during welcome week because I thought that I wouldn’t have fun and that it was lame to do those kinds of things. NO, I WAS LAME. It is important to take pride in the school that you are attending because taking pride in something will help you to feel ownership over it. Baylor is great and you should feel proud to call yourself a bear.  Get out of your dorm room… paint yourself green and gold, don’t take yourself too seriously and go drink Dr. Pepper floats. They’re good and not to mention, FREE.

9. Knock on Doors and Keep Yours Open: Again, something that I didn’t do well my freshman year. I spent my entire first semester of college convinced that I was going to forever and always hate all things college. Everything started to change the day I decided I would just get over myself enough to go knock on a girl’s door that lived down the hall from me. Her name was Mary Burton and 3 years later we are roommates who share everything from a bathroom to clothes and dry shampoo-- the only difference now is that instead of knocking on each other’s doors we just walk right in…

me and Mary Burton junior year. 

8. Eat Food with People: It sounds simple (and it is) however as I look back on my first 3 years of college some of my best memories are while I have been gathered around some type of table, eating some type of food, with some type of people. It doesn’t necessarily matter where you’re eating or what you’re eating but more of whom you are doing it with.  Make sure you eat meals with people who are your best friends and people who are strangers. Gathering around a table is an easy and perfect way to get to know people! Some of Waco’s best food places are: Food For Thought, Vitecks, Cupps, La Fiesta, Buzzard Billy’s, D’s Mediterranean, Poppa Rollos, Taco Z, and more—go to these and then go find some of your own favorites!

7. Study and Skip Class: Now every parent reading this hates me but I’ll explain myself. Study… hard. And skip class… occasionally. The great thing about college is that your classes are almost always packed full of valuable information and you don’t want to miss it! However you also don’t want to miss fun chances to go make memories with friends and sometimes just doing something while class is going on will automatically make it more fun and more memorable. So… study hard, check your schedules and skip class every once in awhile on a day when it is safe to do so. Remember to enjoy your freedom but also make sure you don’t abuse it.

6. Serve and Strive for Self- less- ness: College is a time in life when it is extremely easy to make everything all about you. Don't do it. You will be able to decided what you want to get involved in, who you want to hang out with, where you want to eat, and ultimately how you want to live. That's a lot of you's. If you are a believer in Christ, don't let the freedom of college let you forget about your calling and purpose in every stage of life. If you only think about yourself for 4 straight years I promise you will look back with a feeling of emptiness and waste. Serve in order to rid yourself of yourself. 

5. Make a Baylor Bucket List: This is something that I did my Junior year and I so wish I would have created it earlier! I have found that my bucket list is one of the best things I have done in college. It has helped me explore Waco and find some of my favorite places. Not to mention, it has created some of the best memories for me and my friends who are always quick to join on my crazy adventures! Some things on my list include: hammock on the suspension bridge, travel to Buc-ees, kayak down the brazos, rent a tandem bike, memorize Romans 12, eat with President Starr, crash a high school Prom, eat at the head table in Brooks, climb the climbing wall at the SLC, go to a drive in movie, Karaoke, run the bearathon, go to the top of the ALICO, jump off the suspension bridge, sleep in Collins as a senior, and more! 

crossing Buc-ees off the bucket list. 

4. Be Purposeful with Your Summers: One of the coolest things about college is the different ways you can spend your summers! Whether you choose to study abroad, go on a mission trip, work at camp or stay in Waco to take class-- be purposeful with it. When I look back on my 4 summers in college I know that I wouldn't be the person I am today without them. I chose to spend 3 summers at Pine Cove Christian Camps where my faith was tested, refined, and deepened. This summer I have spent in Waco and have learned that I can be just as refined and challenged here as I was at camp. It's less about where you are and more about what you choose to do with the extra time you have. But if you have the chance to do something like camp or travel-- do it. You won't regret it! 

camp 2012

3. Find Solitude to Study Gods Word and Yourself: Everyone tells you (and I think it's true!) that you will never have as much time as you do in college. Will you be busy? Yes, you will be BUT you will still have more time then you will when you have a job and family. Spend time your first year of college practicing how to time-manage and when you do make sure you allow time for solitude and self-evaluation! College is a perfect time to process through hurts, habits, and hang ups. Find your strengths and your weaknesses. Study scripture, journal, and process. Find a place where you can be alone and dig into the silence.This has been one of the best best best things about college for me. Some places where I have found solitude in Waco include: Cameron Park, Lake Waco, the Garden of Contentment on campus, the porch at my house and even my car! 

the garden of contentment with lyd. 

2. Stories: Read them, write them, and create them! I challenge all of you to read books you wouldn't normally read, write about things that you wouldn't normally want to see put on paper (ex: sin, fears, dreams, etc.) and finally create stories that you are going to want to share with your kids! This is the part where you make your bucket list come to life... 

( and finally... drumroll) 

1. Lean into Conflict and Community: If you are thinking that you are going to be getting away from conflict by leaving your family home and coming to college you are (thankfully) w r o n g. College (and especially Baylor!) will provide you with some of the best community that you will ever have which will in turn provide you with some of the best conflict you've ever had. Don't run away from this because if you do you will never taste how sweet community can actually be. Let your friends fail you and then choose to love them anyway AND let yourself fail your friends and let them show you how they aren't going anywhere. S/O to all 4 of my roommates and Lydia Pettit for showing me that conflict isn't just good but needed. Love is a lot better when you know that it was and is a choice. 

the aspen hottiez (roommates)

Rebecca, Jana and I did accountability together this past year. 

these girls love me better than most. 

If you're just about to start college, welcome aboard. Get ready for the best 4 year journey you could ever imagine... full of growth, laughter, failure, dreams, tears, refinement, and the very best community. 

get excited. 

and as always, 

sic 'em bears.  

The Gift of Singleness #4: The Pain of Rejection

I remember the day all too well. I can't remember the exact date though I know it was during Christmas break of 2011. I had just gotten home from a ski trip and my best friend and I were spending the afternoon together celebrating her engagement that had just happened a week or so before. We were in the car stopped at the intersection of Rieck Rd and Broadway in Tyler. I remember sitting there and her joyfully telling me, "Hey, I think me and Daniel picked a date for the wedding! October 13th, 2012!" I can't remember if I said anything right after she said that but what I do remember is a few seconds later and I (out of nowhere) started to cry...hard. It's probably every girls dream that when she tells her best friend that she picked her WEDDING date that they start sobbing... right? No, nightmare. I sat there looking at her and did my very best to vocalize how I felt, saying... 

"I'm happy I promise, it's just that on October 13th you get a new best friend but I don't and that's hard for me" 

She looked at me and started to cry also not because she felt bad for me but because she knew that it was true. It wasn't a bad thing-- it was a good thing but it was change. And in that moment she did the very best thing that she could have ever done for me. She cried alongside her "run away from change as fast as you can" best friend and let me know without using words that I was right, she was getting a new best friend but that it was going to be okay and she wasn't going anywhere. 

All of life brings different types of rejection. You can feel rejection from a group of people, a job, a school, a church, a boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse, singleness and even change in other peoples marital status. Singleness in particularly can make someone feel rejection in a deep way. I like to imagine that singleness a lot of times can feel like you're back in middle school waiting to see if you're going to get picked by someone for the flag football team. And if you do get picked how many rounds is it going to take until they call your name and is it going to be the team (person) you wanted to join?! 

It's embarrassing to admit that singleness sometimes feels like that middle school playground but I think all too often that's exactly what it feels like and it's not a good feeling. All of a sudden you have something that was intended to be fun and good (the "football" game which is representing dating just incase you're missing it) but instead of actually starting the game, you have a whole lot of insecure people standing in a field wondering why all of these other people don't see them as worthy of being on their team. It doesn't feel good to not get picked for a team and it also doesn't feel good to pick someone for your team who then tells you, "Sorry but I don't think I want your team." 

r e j e c t i o n  sucks. 

I wish that there was a better way of putting it but when it comes right down to it-- rejection does suck. BUT, like most things, what we choose to do with rejection can not only change our moods but it can change our lives in a powerful way. You and I are both broken people and we are created to have identity, worth, and affirmation spoken into us but we are not designed to have these things spoken into us by humans. 

Jesus asked the Pharisees this question:  "How can you believe (or be satisfied with God), when you receive glory from one another and do not seek the glory that comes from the only God?" -John 5:44 

God is the ONLY one who has the ability to speak identity into you in such a way that it secures who you are. If you are allowing a fallen human being to try and do such a thing then you are hurting both yourself and that person. Don't try and give humans the power to give you value when that power belongs to Christ alone. 

Fab Sharford says this: "The key to satisfaction in Him is two-fold; not receiving your worth from the words of man, and seeking it from God. The pain we experience in singleness occurs because the first condition has been met. Now, the challenge is to let go of my desire to seek out and try to secure that affirmation from humans and instead seek my affirmation from God." 

Here's (in my opinion) one of the best thing about singleness: It often times forces you into a place where you aren't getting humans approval or affirmation. This puts you in a hard but perfect place to practice the discipline of seeking affirmation from God alone-- for He is the only one who can truly give it to you anyway. 

While you might not be getting picked for the team or you might have people telling you that they don't want to be apart of your team know this: 

*If you are taking this rejection and giving it to Christ, allowing Him to fill the aching fear and insecurity that has come from it then your reward is going to be great. You will have a deeper knowledge of Christ's goodness, deeper faith, and deeper satisfaction from our Lord and Savior. *

And people, lets wake up to the reality that there is NOTHING BETTER THAN THAT!! 

Heres the coolest part about the story I told you at the beginning of this post: 

You see after that Christmas break I began to pray that the Lord would take away any insecurity, jealousy, bitterness or envy that had come about in my heart with knowing that Emma would be getting married soon because first off having those things in my heart is bad and secondly, I wanted to be able to have true j o y for my main gal on her most favorite day. Not only would she be gaining another best friend but I would forever and always come after Daniel now. While I wanted that for her and Daniel and I desperately wanted them to walk into a healthy marriage covenant, it was still hard for me to swallow that while Emma was still my number one that after that day I wouldn't and shouldn't ever be her number one again. So, I prayed. I knew that God cared about every negative feeling I felt and I decided that I would believe that He cared to change those feelings as well. And guess what... 

He did! He changed them. All of them. It to this day is one of my most treasured journeys with my King! How sweet is His love to care enough for me that He wouldn't just change my feelings but that He would place in me a strong and true realization and belief that on that day Emma gained a husband but that she didn't gain the best thing-- for she had already had the best thing for a long long time and I had it too. She was now no more whole than I was. God knew that she needed Daniel starting October 13th, 2012 and God knew that I needed singleness. I trust that He knows and will provide for the day when I need a relationship with a man who fears Him to bring me into a better relationship with Him. 

 October 13th, 2012 

(didn't turn out so bad after all) 

When you give God the pain of your rejection you are allowing Him to turn that pain into good, good things. Proof of those good things is found in the picture above through the joy on our faces on that good, good day. 

Gods love is > the pain of rejection 

rest secure and go have fun while your friends get hitched!  

The Gift of Singleness #3: "Messy"

I have been thinking a lot lately about relationships that I have had with different guy friends and the relationships that my family, friends and complete strangers have had with "friends" of the opposite sex and/or actual boyfriends and girlfriends. That being said, one common theme i have noticed is that most (if not all) of them tend to be pretty...

messy. 

It seems that no matter what city I go to or how old or what gender the person is that I talk to-- they have a story where they have tried at relationships that have ended in failure or maybe even success but somewhere along the way they ended up manipulating, hurting, and dis-respecting that other person. You're like, well duh Madison we are a fallen and disgusting people. This is true... but I haven't been able to stop thinking about what we could do to start bettering our relationships. How can we better serve our friends of the opposite sex? How can we treat them in a way that points them to Jesus instead of to ourselves? How can we act in a way that allows them the freedom of giving Christ attention instead of forcing them to give it to us? In different ways, guys and girls alike are guilty of demanding that the attention, affirmation, and recognition from anyone and everyone is put on them.

i am guilty. and i want to fight this selfishness like my life depends on it-- because i think it does. 

I am guilty of: 

- putting guys and attention from them before my pursuit of Christ and the pursuit of my friends
- wanting other people to put me before their pursuit of Christ and the pursuit of their friends
- manipulating situations into being the way I want them to be-- without regard of whats best for others
- believing that my worth and/or satisfaction can come from someone or something outside of Jesus.
- demanding attention, approval, and affirmation for my own self-worth. 

... and a lot of other just as disgusting and disturbing things as well.

When these are the things that my heart is chasing after than it is no wonder at all that I can sometimes find myself in messy relationships. If you're in a messy relationship currently, then you too might be being an awful lot more selfish then you would want or care to admit. It's okay. I've been there and so has every other person you've ever met... but how about we don't stay there? I can't stop thinking  about how different my community would be if myself and the others I am around started to strive for Godliness in all areas of our lives including the area that involves dealing with relationships with the opposite sex.

I used to think that I didn't have the responsibility of serving men since I didn't have a particular man who I was in a romantic relationship with to serve. I was more wrong than I could have ever known. I need to constantly be serving and loving the guys that I find in my life in the way that they need their sisters in Christ to serve and love them. They need to be shown that they are appreciated, respected, and needed. They need to know that we, as Godly women respect their boundaries and that they don't have to take on the pressure of fulfilling any of our needs because we are confident that they can't meet them anyway and they shouldn't have to try. (One day if we are in a marriage covenant then we will be able to have expectations of a man and God will use him to complement us and to make us better but until then it is important to be careful how much expectation we as women put on guys). We need to love them in a way that relays to them that they are desired but that they can't complete us or make us feel true satisfaction so they don't have to try.  Just as we as woman are called to love our guy friends in this way, guys too are called to love and to serve their sisters in Christ.

As I am in a season of singleness, I am starting to tackle what this type of love will look like for me. Not just how I will love my guy friends but how will I love a l l of my friends and all people.

I recently found this definition for agape love:

a g a p e : The love of God or Christ for humankind; unselfish love of one person for another without sexual implications; brotherly love; a love feast. 

< Agape love is the kind of love that I  am striving to have overflowing out of my life. Agape love is all about self- denial rather than self-fulfillment-- it is focused on giving rather than receiving and it is they type of love that people are longing for. > 

agape love is what Christ offers you and what Christ has allowed us the privilege of offering to other people. 

"Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples" - John 13:35 

Our relationships often times are messy but hear me when I say that they don't have to be. If we can become intentional and passionate about loving one another with AGAPE love then I think we will find ourselves in less messy relationships and in more healthy ones-- the kind that point others and ourselves back to Christ and back to the Gospel. 

When striving to love others in this kind of way remember these things: 

1. You have been given everything you need for Godliness (2nd Peter 1:3) 

2. No matter what-- you are called to love. Don't wait for a spouse before you start to love. Love now. 

3. While m e s s y relationships might satisfy you for a moment-- they will never bring true fulfillment. 

I recently read that if you are craving bread that it actually means your body needs protein and if you're craving sweets that your body needs calcium. The point of this was to show us that the things we crave aren't the things we are actually hungry for.

 If today you are craving messy relationships that will bring you affirmation, status, recognition and  momentary satisfaction then hold off on your cravings trusting that it isn't what you are actually hungry for. 

you are hungry for Christ and He desperately wants to fill your deepest longings, just as I believe He wants to fill mine. Let Him into all parts of your life and let Him make you 

n e w.

"Wash me in the water of the Word. Lay me on the alter of Your will. Present me blameless, without blemish, Holy Bride. Lord, purify Your Bride" -Shane and Shane- 

The Gift of Singleness #2: Loneliness

Over the past week I have often wanted to sit down at my computer and start the daunting post on dealing with "loneliness" in the singleness series. Most days I have been too busy to take time out to write and other days when I have had a block of time I would sit down and try to type yet my fingers wouldn't move. I knew that this particular post would be one of my harder ones to write and I am praying that the Lord will speak through me and that I won't write a single word that isn't beneficial. Know this: A big part of me wants to write this and not even mention that loneliness is something that I still struggle with but then I would be lying. So know that this post is for me just as much as it is for you-- maybe more. 

I am one of those girls who started writing in a journal to her future husband at the age of 16. And if no one else does that than I am l i t e r a l l y that girl who started writing in a journal to her husband at age 16. I go through seasons where I like to write in it a lot and then I go through seasons where a whole year has past and I haven't even touched the journal. The year(s) where I don't even touch the journal are normally the seasons where I am convinced that a husband doesn't exist and if I already have to be  the girl who writes to a man she doesn't even know then I definitely don't want to be the girl who writes to a man who doesn't even exist. Today, I opened it and started to read through past entries. 

April 19th, 2012, I wrote this: 

"I am beyond tired of saying that all I want to do with my life is pursue Christ and live out anything He desires for me yet what I am actually doing is wanting to play the role of God myself and manipulate things to be how I want them to be and then wanting God to bless my plans. It's sickening. No, I don't know if you actually exist. Marriage may not be God's best for me and if it isn't then I can boldly say that I don't want it. I know that it's okay to desire marriage but marriage cannot and will not be what I pursue or chase after. So, if you are reading this then I guess that means you did end up existing and I am grateful. Know that you are one of His greatest gifts to me but you're not the best one. I am whole and complete in Christ and He alone is my satisfaction and joy."

As shown in the journal entry above, during that season of life I was finding myself caught up in worldly desires and came to a point where I was "beyond tired" and completely "sick" of myself and my selfish tendencies to choose this world over my Savior. Unfortunately, this is a "season" that I often find myself in. 

I have found that almost every time I am choosing myself and my ways over Christ and His ways it is because I have let myself believe the lie that I am lonely. Being lonely makes me feel un-loved, un-wanted and un-known which are 3 of my biggest fears. I learned a year or two ago that when I am lonely I immediately try to fix it. I seek out anything and anyone who can try and fill this gap and who can reassure me that I am indeed loved, wanted, and known. I began to realize that this "loneliness" was causing me to manipulate situations into becoming what I wanted them to be and I was gripping "my" life with two very clinched fists refusing to open them up. 

I don't think that being lonely is a sin but I do think that what you do with your loneliness matters more than a lot of people think. How you live in the midst of loneliness can result in you either glorifying Christ or could result in you revealing to a broken, fallen and definitely lonely world that your Jesus isn't enough and that He isn't involved, loving, and sovereign. 

This does not mean that we must put on masks and tell people that everything is okay when it isn't just so that the world doesn't think we are lonely. No, not in the least. It means that we go and tell people that we are lonely, why we are lonely and then what we are going to do to walk this path of loneliness in a way that can bring glory to our Heavenly King. 

Consider Israel's wilderness experience found in Deuteronomy 8. While God was offering the Israelites manna (supernatural food) all they were craving is what they had once known satisfied them and what they thought would satisfy them again which was the food that they had in Egypt. If God had given them what they naturally craved then they would have never learned to eat manna which is bread that came down from Heaven and they would have never entered into this new, and better land that the Lord was leading them into. God made the Israelites hungry on purpose in order to find out if they had it in their hearts to obey Him and to trust Him. He did this as a loving Father. "The Lord your God was discipling you as a father disciplines his son" (Deuteronomy 8:5). 

Therefore, it is evident that the Lord disciplines us. He often times, like He did with the Israelites, will allow us to long for something that we cannot have in order to reveal to us what He wants us to have which is always way better anyway. 

So if you are finding yourself on a path of loneliness whether it has to do with singleness or not, take heart that God is still with you, never once forsaking you. 

It's okay to be lonely but it's not okay to dwell in it and to have self-pity. Refuse self-pity absolutely. I have often times  always found that when I refuse self pity I am more able to see Christ's goodness and His hand in my life--even in the little things. 

As you long for things, whatever they may be, don't let it get in the way of your ministry. Join with me  in a challenge where every time you are find yourself lonely or wishing that someone was loving you turn it around and love others. Everyone and anyone. Don't just love those who you want to love you back but be intentional about praying for the Lord to reveal to you who He wants you to show love to. 

My guess is that changing our perspective on this will help change our seasons of loneliness into seasons of purpose, joy, hope and fulfillment.  

"Let not our longing slay the appetite of our living." -Jim Elliot

and as Bob Goff says:  Love God, Love People, Do stuff. 

even if you're lonely.

He is good and He will provide.