The Gift of Singleness #3: "Messy"

I have been thinking a lot lately about relationships that I have had with different guy friends and the relationships that my family, friends and complete strangers have had with "friends" of the opposite sex and/or actual boyfriends and girlfriends. That being said, one common theme i have noticed is that most (if not all) of them tend to be pretty...

messy. 

It seems that no matter what city I go to or how old or what gender the person is that I talk to-- they have a story where they have tried at relationships that have ended in failure or maybe even success but somewhere along the way they ended up manipulating, hurting, and dis-respecting that other person. You're like, well duh Madison we are a fallen and disgusting people. This is true... but I haven't been able to stop thinking about what we could do to start bettering our relationships. How can we better serve our friends of the opposite sex? How can we treat them in a way that points them to Jesus instead of to ourselves? How can we act in a way that allows them the freedom of giving Christ attention instead of forcing them to give it to us? In different ways, guys and girls alike are guilty of demanding that the attention, affirmation, and recognition from anyone and everyone is put on them.

i am guilty. and i want to fight this selfishness like my life depends on it-- because i think it does. 

I am guilty of: 

- putting guys and attention from them before my pursuit of Christ and the pursuit of my friends
- wanting other people to put me before their pursuit of Christ and the pursuit of their friends
- manipulating situations into being the way I want them to be-- without regard of whats best for others
- believing that my worth and/or satisfaction can come from someone or something outside of Jesus.
- demanding attention, approval, and affirmation for my own self-worth. 

... and a lot of other just as disgusting and disturbing things as well.

When these are the things that my heart is chasing after than it is no wonder at all that I can sometimes find myself in messy relationships. If you're in a messy relationship currently, then you too might be being an awful lot more selfish then you would want or care to admit. It's okay. I've been there and so has every other person you've ever met... but how about we don't stay there? I can't stop thinking  about how different my community would be if myself and the others I am around started to strive for Godliness in all areas of our lives including the area that involves dealing with relationships with the opposite sex.

I used to think that I didn't have the responsibility of serving men since I didn't have a particular man who I was in a romantic relationship with to serve. I was more wrong than I could have ever known. I need to constantly be serving and loving the guys that I find in my life in the way that they need their sisters in Christ to serve and love them. They need to be shown that they are appreciated, respected, and needed. They need to know that we, as Godly women respect their boundaries and that they don't have to take on the pressure of fulfilling any of our needs because we are confident that they can't meet them anyway and they shouldn't have to try. (One day if we are in a marriage covenant then we will be able to have expectations of a man and God will use him to complement us and to make us better but until then it is important to be careful how much expectation we as women put on guys). We need to love them in a way that relays to them that they are desired but that they can't complete us or make us feel true satisfaction so they don't have to try.  Just as we as woman are called to love our guy friends in this way, guys too are called to love and to serve their sisters in Christ.

As I am in a season of singleness, I am starting to tackle what this type of love will look like for me. Not just how I will love my guy friends but how will I love a l l of my friends and all people.

I recently found this definition for agape love:

a g a p e : The love of God or Christ for humankind; unselfish love of one person for another without sexual implications; brotherly love; a love feast. 

< Agape love is the kind of love that I  am striving to have overflowing out of my life. Agape love is all about self- denial rather than self-fulfillment-- it is focused on giving rather than receiving and it is they type of love that people are longing for. > 

agape love is what Christ offers you and what Christ has allowed us the privilege of offering to other people. 

"Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples" - John 13:35 

Our relationships often times are messy but hear me when I say that they don't have to be. If we can become intentional and passionate about loving one another with AGAPE love then I think we will find ourselves in less messy relationships and in more healthy ones-- the kind that point others and ourselves back to Christ and back to the Gospel. 

When striving to love others in this kind of way remember these things: 

1. You have been given everything you need for Godliness (2nd Peter 1:3) 

2. No matter what-- you are called to love. Don't wait for a spouse before you start to love. Love now. 

3. While m e s s y relationships might satisfy you for a moment-- they will never bring true fulfillment. 

I recently read that if you are craving bread that it actually means your body needs protein and if you're craving sweets that your body needs calcium. The point of this was to show us that the things we crave aren't the things we are actually hungry for.

 If today you are craving messy relationships that will bring you affirmation, status, recognition and  momentary satisfaction then hold off on your cravings trusting that it isn't what you are actually hungry for. 

you are hungry for Christ and He desperately wants to fill your deepest longings, just as I believe He wants to fill mine. Let Him into all parts of your life and let Him make you 

n e w.

"Wash me in the water of the Word. Lay me on the alter of Your will. Present me blameless, without blemish, Holy Bride. Lord, purify Your Bride" -Shane and Shane-