My Proclamation

If you know me at all, or even if you have read my blog before then you know that I have spent 3 of my 4 college summers at Pine Cove Christian Camps. For all the people out there who have already stopped wanting to read this because you don't want to hear about someone else's camp experience--don't worry I'll spare you this time and this won't be a post about camp. (you're welcome!) However, one of the coolest things that PC does is that they give each of their staff a word at the end of the summer that they believe embodies who they are and how they impacted the campers and staff over the summer. It is an incredible opportunity for the leadership and resident staff of camp to speak identity into you. It is nerve racking and leaves you feeling both encouraged and challenged in the best possible way. That being said, my very first summer I was shocked when I was given the word courageous with this definition next to it:

courageous: doing what is right despite fear or risk. 

I remember sitting there holding it and becoming emotional because that summer I had felt like I was anything but courageous. I felt weak, broken, and useless. What a gift it was for me to have someone sit down with me and tell me that they saw in me something that I couldn't see. I remember telling them that I didn't at all feel courageous. I remember her looking at me and telling me that Christ had given me the ability to be very courageous, that she had seen that in me over the past 5 weeks, and that she wanted to challenge me to take this encouragement and to head into college full of gentle boldness and full of courage-- just like she knew I could. I left feeling empowered in a way that I never had before. 

Today I sat down at Common Grounds, a local coffee shop, and I thought about how un-courageous I have felt lately. I thought about how in more than just a couple areas of my life I am running away from what is right and running toward fear. I sat there and made myself think about all the ways I have been letting fear drive me and then I took myself back to that conversation in the Nada Mesa at camp. I thought about how whether I realized it then or not--I knew now that they were right. I do have the ability to be courageous. I have seen myself do it. I have seen myself at times over the last 3 years believe that I am a Godly woman who is saved by God's grace and because of that I have been able to walk into situations confidently and courageously. 

I was sad today as I recognized the insecurities and lies that I have let into my life and how because I have fed those things rather than feeding my soul with the Word that I have missed opportunities to be bold and courageous for Christ's name. I have missed out on hard conversations, conflict and community because I let fear be what drives me and not Jesus. 

When I am concerned about my fear I am saying that I am more important than that person or situation and when I am concerned with Jesus then I am confident that I can walk boldly into hard situations because He is the one leading me, guiding me, and speaking through me. 

If I want to live a life of c o u r a g e (which I do) then I have no choice but to let Jesus be my driving force, my commander, my master. If I decide that I am a better commander (gross), then I better be prepared to let fear and anxiety take over the drivers seat. 

In C.S. Lewis's book, Prince Caspian, the little girl Lucy gets lost from her brothers and sister and at last finds the Lion (Aslan) that they have been looking for. Her siblings hadn't been able to see him on other occasions and Lucy was sure that they weren't going to believe her, that she had really found him. 

This is how it goes down: 

"Now, child," said Aslan... "I will wait here. Go and wake the others and tell them to follow. If they will not, then you at least must follow me alone." 

It is a terrible thing to have to wake four people, all older than yourself and all very tired, for the purpose of telling them something they probably won't believe and making them do something they certainly won't like. "I mustn't think about it, I must just do it," thought Lucy. 

I think that is my favorite part of the story. For this anxiety prone girl, I can relate to that mindset. 

I must not think about it. I must just do it. 

I have the tendency to over-think. When I over-think I then tend to forget the simplicity of the gospel and of who Jesus is and of who He says that I am. When I over-think and over-analyze and when I go ask 20 people (not an exaggeration) of what they think I start to forget of how temporary this world and my problems are. I start to believe the lie that I am the commander and that I am in control. What a scary place to be-- and to think that my over-analyzing mind is what led me to that conclusion. 

We all need to stop over-thinking and start proclaiming what we know to be true because of the Truth that we have been given. So here's my proclamation: 

"I, Madison Mae Humphries am a daughter of the one true King. I am here on earth only temporarily and I must follow my King even if no one goes with me. I am a courageous, bold, and loving woman who has earned nothing but has been given everything she needs to proclaim His name and walk in righteousness." 

Whenever you start to over-think or when you have one of those days like mine was today when you realize that you have shifted off the narrow path, remind yourself of what your purpose is and what and Who you were made for. 

Because it certainly wasn't anxiety and it certainly wasn't fear. 

be courageous. do what is right despite fear. 

by doing this, you'll proclaim to a broken world that there is someone other than yourself that is in complete control. 

thank you, Jesus.