The Gift of Singleness #6: "Crucify Your Dreams"

*this will be one of the last if not the last post in this series!! thanks for reading!* 

I'm a dreamer. In every single sense of the word and I have been since I was a very little girl. I can remember being as young as 5 years old and imagining my wedding day. FIVE. I can remember playing wedding with my friends where I (somehow) was always the bride and they were always the bridesmaid. I am currently paying for that (literally) as I am the one buying bridesmaid dress after bridesmaid dress. Serves me well. To all the 5 year olds out there reading this-- don't say I didn't warn you... go ahead and hand the fake veil over. You'll thank me later. But really, I know that I am not the only person who has spent their entire life dreaming dreams that aren't coming true. Life is happening all around us, but it isn't the way we thought it would be or should be and hardly ever is it when we think it should be. 

I grew up in a culture that told me to dream... and so I did. I dreamed big, crazy, and often times impossible dreams. But it was engrained in my mind forever (thank you sunday school) that nothing was impossible with Christ and so I kept on dreaming those dreams...the ones where I am the center of attention, where I am elevated instead of Christ, where I get what I want and my friends just stand by me happily although "secretly" they wish they had what I had and "secretly" that makes me even happier. I certainly do not blame sunday school for my way of thinking and for the record, I am blessed to have grown up attending SS every Sunday BUT, I think that a very important lesson went un-taught to me all those years ago. That being, that dreaming can be good and it also can be very bad. What I wish I would have known all those years ago is what dreaming outside of Christ's will and direction can do to ones body, heart, and mind. 

dream-er: "a person who lives in a world of fantasy; one who is impractical and unrealistic." 

Earlier when I said I was a dreamer--I meant it and this definition often describes me a little too well. I have spent so much time throughout my life dreaming up what I wanted the next year, month, day, and even hour to look like. If I am not actively holding my thoughts captive then I can expect my mind to start making up conversations and scenarios that will bring me satisfaction. I will "dream" of what it would be like to be liked by everyone or wanted by that person or honored for doing that or recognized for doing this. It is here where I find myself taking something as "naive" as dreaming and turning it into something that is now complicated and even sinful. I am not saying that dreaming alone is sinful but personally, dreaming has become an idol in my life that causes me to long for a world that isn't real--a world where I am elevated and Christ is not. A sick world indeed. 

This fantasy world that I often find myself living in has caused more problems in my actual REAL life than I would care to admit. When you allow yourself to dream without prayer and without open hands ready to give or to take anything that the Lord has for you, then you willingly put yourself in a very dangerous place. A place full of un-met expectations. 

Fantasy worlds make you believe that the things you see on TV or in Magazines are real and that you deserve that type of "passionate" and reckless love. Fantasy worlds make you have expectations on people that they cannot meet, and expectations on yourself that you cannot and should not meet. Fantasy worlds are full of worldly dreams that make you feel good for a fleeting moment and then leave you feeling miserable for a lot longer than that. 

Dreaming big dreams that only concerned me and my happiness led me to a belief that I wouldn't be truly satisfied with life until I had a ring on my finger and a guy who looked and acted like Prince Charming. It led me to believe lies about dating, marriage, and singleness. It led me to believe lies about what beauty is and where it comes from. It led me to believe lies about myself and it put me in a world where security, worth, and happiness was "promised" but actually ripped out from under me. 

I am PROMISED security, worth, and joy but it WILL NOT be found in fantasy world where my selfish dreams are tucked away tight. 

Consider Ruth. One of my all time favorite bible characters who I cannot relate to much yet, though I desperately desire to. Ruth walks away from everything that might give her security or worth and walks straight into a future that has absolutely no certainty or promise of earthly satisfaction. Ruth was not giving up everything in order to get Boaz. She was giving up everything in order to get Jesus. Ruth reminds me in a makes me want to jump up and down and shout from the rooftops kind of way of the call to follow Christ. Her story helps remind me of my story and how though in one way they look very different how in another they should look so very much the same. A call to die--and an obedient answer to that call. 

Ruth didn't have to dream because she trusted that God was going to direct her steps. He would dream for her and it would be well worth the wait. 

You will W A S T E your singleness and the loneliness, doubt, insecurity and everything else that comes with it if you refuse to let the pain of un-met dreams drive you into complete abandon like Ruth. You will absolutely waste it if you do anything other than put your whole heart into God's plan for your life, TRUSTING that He gives good gifts-- even if they aren't packaged the way you and your dreams thought they would be. 

There is a world waiting for you that is far better than any fantasy. One where the King of all Kings is beckoning you to come and be still, to know that He is your good Shepherd and that He wants to walk through this very real and painful world with you... bringing you true joy and peace along the way.  

Crucify your dreams--God is a way better dreamer than you could e v e r be.